The Reality of Assault -- Living Hero

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Here is a blog post from, Chris Feldt, a good friend of mine and a member of the 100. and UBBT. This article is a reminder of the important work that we, as martial artist, self-defense experts and educators are involved in (or should be involved in).

The Reality of Assault - Living Hero (by Chris Feldt)

Last week, I was having lunch in the honor's dorm on the campus of the University of South Carolina. I had just finished teaching my beginner karate class and figured I would share a brief visit with my son who is a sophomore there.

While waiting for my son, one of the cafeteria workers asked if I was an instructor at USC, and I replied yes, as I was wearing my gi.

She wanted to know if I thought it was possible for her to learn self defense.? Of course I said yes, but I could tell there was more to the question?

After chatting with her a couple of minutes, she bravely shared with me that she was assaulted 10 years ago and was still dealing with the psychological trauma it caused.

She was attacked from behind and drugged with a narcotic that made her pass out. She was kidnapped and assaulted for nearly 3 weeks in the basement of the attacker's house. She even showed me some of the scars on her arm where he cut her and threatened to kill her if she resisted.

My understanding is, the only reason she survived, is a woman who lived next store to this horrible man, heard whimpering one day and thought one of her cats was in distress, only to discover, that it was a human being that was making that noise. The man was arrested and sent to prison.

Fast forward nearly 10 years and she is still struggling with what happened to her. While she does not remember much of the physical torture, she is very fearful and has a distinct lack of trust for men and strangers. Thankfully, she is getting treatment with a psychologist to help her address these issue.

After telling her how sorry I was for what had happened, I invited her to my next self defense workshop (which happens to be this week) but asked her to speak to her psychologist first to make sure it was a good idea (if she was ready) for her to do this. If that was not good for her, I asked her to see if there were a group of women from the cafeteria that might be interested in learning self defense and I would come back and give them a private workshop.

I am sharing this with you for two reasons:

1. There are many women (and men) that are out there, just ready to be a victim of assault! In my experience, the average person has no clue, not only in how to defend themselves, but they lack simple knowledge in awareness and body language or how to use their voice.

When I first joined The 100 and UBBT, Coach Tom encouraged me to offer the free workshops and train as many women as possible. For me, there is something quite liberating when you do this work from the heart without looking for something in return (money). And if in the end, I helped even just one woman avoid the kind of assault this woman experienced, well, that would really be GOOD work!

2. I wanted to share this story with you because I have selected this woman as one of my living heroes for this year! Imagine, walking up to a stranger (a man) and having the courage to talk to me and share her story after what happened to her? Truthfully, I don't think I have half the "guts" that she has!

I know there are many women like her, that lead a life of courage, grace and dignity after something so horrible like this happens.

Remarkable!

Yes?

"Confront the dark parts of yourself, and work to banish them with illumination and frogiveness. Your willingness to wrestle with your demons will cause your angels to sing. Use the pain as fuel, as a reminder of your strength." August Wilson

If you would like to see the great (and useful) comments on this article from other martial arts experts, Ph.D's, and education activist, go HERE.

This blog post is a part of The Ultimate Black Belt Test (www.ultimateblackbelttest.com), an undertaking of The 100 (www.the100.us), and a part of Samurai Karate Studio (www.samuraikaratestudio.net) and The Dream 100. (www.thedream100.com)

What is Self Defense?

What is Self Defense by Kyoshi Steve LaVallee.

After a busy day, you're walking though the parking lot to your car. Just as you open the door, someone approaches you unexpectedly with a knife to your throat. You respond quickly and aggressively, defending yourself, controlling the weapon and neutralizing the attacker.

That is Self Defense!

Your child is having his lunch at school, suddenly he gets slapped in the back of the head by a larger, stronger and threatening kid that is well known as a bully. Your son stands up to him with confidence and courage, backs the bully down without using his physical skills.

That is Self Defense!

Here's a real story: Several years ago, I was traveling with my mentor to do a series of seminars in the UK. We were sitting at an outdoor cafe waiting for our lunch, when suddenly I noticed an intoxicated patron a few tables away starting to argue loudly with another gentleman. It was obvious to me that it was soon to become violent.

I asked my mentor to get up quickly and put his back up against a wall. (Mr C. is in his eighties and doesn't really like to do anything quickly :-) I positioned him between the wall and used myself as a protective shield. Just in time because a physical fight did break out and pretty much wiped out the table we were sitting.

Neither of us was harmed and we soon resumed our lunch and had a good laugh.

That is Self Defense!

If you or one of your family members were involved in any of these situations...

Would you rather be trained or untrained?

Our dojo's are filled with friendly, respectful and caring people. Sometimes the real world is not so friendly, respectful or safe. Unfortunately, there are many dangers lurking in the world around us. You don't need to look far to realize violent crimes do occur in your own community, perhaps in your own back yard.

Be ready...be aware...be trained!

Our program specializes in teaching practical, real world Self-Defense skills for men, women and children. As your body gets in better and better shape, you'll also be learning valuable skills that raises your awareness and will give you the confidence and skills to keep yourself and your loved ones safe from danger.

SAFE...FIT & FOCUSED!

As Mount Laurel's number one martial arts family center, Dinoto Karate is committed to self-defense. Find out how we can serve your family by calling us at 856-235-0414 or visiting us at www.DinotoKarate.com

Kids Helping Kids in Mount Laruel

Dinoto Karate Center's Leadership and Instructor training programs are designed to encourage community activism!

Every day, there are people in every community who are involved in helping others but rarely make it on the black box called a television. There are also small and not so small acts of kindness that happen among our youth.

Here in Mount Laurel there is such an event. On June 14th at 1pm, the youth of Harrington Middle School will be participating in a walk-a-thon sponsored by the Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation to raise money for a Juvenile Diabetes cure.

You probably know someone who is affected by this debilitating disease as there are 26 million Americans who have diabetes. That is 8.3% of the population. Worldwide, Diabetes affects 285 million people and by 2030, the numbers are expected to go up to 435 million. To give you a better idea of these numbers, in the U.S., every 30 seconds a new case of diabetes is diagnosed!

If you would like to help, visit http://www.jdrf.org/

Diabetes. What exactly is it, and how do you live with it?

There are 2 major types. Type 1 diabetes is an autoimmune disease in which the person's pancreas stops producing insulin. Insulin is extremely important as it is the hormone that allows us to get energy from food. Type 1 diabetes usually developes in childhood, adolescence, or young adulthood, and last the entire lifetime. Everyday, in order to live, a person has to take multiple insulin injections or continually infuse insulin through a pump. In type 2 diabetes, the person's body still produces insulin, but is unable to use it effectively. This is a metabolic disorder and is usually diagnosed in adulthood, and insulin injections may not be required.

The harm caused by diabetes is threefold. First, it can damage many organ systems. Its the leading cause of kidney failure, adult blindness, and amputations, and nerve damage. Second, there is an increase in heart disease. People with diabetes are 2 to 4 times more likely to have a heart attack or stroke than people who don't have it. Third, diabetes shortens lives. The life expectancy of someone with this disease is shortened about 7 to 10 years, and the risk of death is double that of people of similar age who don't have diabetes. Every 3 minutes, 1 American is killed by diabetes, and it is the seventh leading cause.

Many times its difficult to conceptualize these big statistical numbers. so lets focus on the day in the life of a young girl who has type 1 diabetes and goes to Harrington. She has to test her blood sugar level by pricking her finger for blood 6 or more times a day. For every meal she has to monitor her caloric intake, and balance her insulin levels with food. She has to do this every day of her life, and she is only 15 years old. Furthermore, she and her family have to be prepared in case her blood sugar level drops or rises as either of these two conditions can be life threatening for her.

For more information on diabetes, visit http://www.diabetes.org/advocate/resources/

Women in the Martial Arts - What men need to learn...

Here is a great article written by my self-defense coach and mentor, Bill Kipp

Women in the Martial Arts

The martial Arts world has evolved a great deal over the years, particularly in the past decade or so. The “old school” mentality has been primarily overtaken by the new wave of successful martial arts schools where both children and women are taking a much more involved role. Children now comprise the largest MA student populace and are the bread and butter of most successful martial arts schools.

In addition, the role of women as instructors and as students has also become quite significant. In the old days women had a very rough time dealing with the “good ole’ boy” mentality prevalent in the martial arts community. Some of these women persevered, with huge credit due to them for doing so. Others left those schools to start their own where they wouldn’t have to deal with such unnecessary abuse. And sadly, many of these early female students left due to not finding the very safety that led them to the martial arts in the first place. Over the years many of us men have per force become more sensitive to the unique issues that arise for women. Women not only have every right to be martial arts school owners and instructors, they have proven to be valuable resources as instructors of male owned schools and very adept school owners themselves.

In my travels teaching adrenal stress response training at schools across America and abroad, I have the opportunity to meet many of these inspirational women and to hear first hand what they have and in some cases still must go through in this highly competitive industry. Although most of the good ole boy mentality is gone, there still exist complicated dynamics between the genders in the martial arts world even in best-case scenario.

The following is a situation that personally occurred to me that illustrates the unique challenges that many male school owners and female students face in a traditional Martial Arts environment. The experience taught me a great deal, though it came at a cost. It is my hope that the story can help others prevent such occurrences from happening in your school.

“It started pretty much as a typical Wednesday open sparring night. The standard 8-10 regulars were there as well as a couple of guys from another local school who often showed up to play. Most of the participants were men, but there were a couple of women as well. One woman was Terri, an established Black Belt and the other was Kathy, a Blue Belt who was outwardly pretty tense but showed a lot of heart. I always sensed there was something going on inside her that she was trying to cover up, but felt it wasn’t my place to dig where I didn’t belong. Heck, I was a martial artist, not a therapist, and none of my previous instructors had ever asked how I was “feeling”. You either show up for sparring or you don’t.”

“The group started pairing off and followed the standard rules of agreement on the level of intensity before squaring off with each other. I was absorbed in working with a young guy who was preparing for an upcoming test when I detected a change in the group energy. I turned to see Kathy, the Blue Belt woman, quickly bow off the floor. A quick scan of the room showed she had been paired up with Jim, one of those guys who by nature goes harder than he likes to admit. You know the type. He stood there with shoulders hunched in a confused gesture and voiced that he had accidentally popped Kathy “lightly” and she “just ran off”. Throwing him an irritated “We’ve discussed this problem before” kind of glance, I left the floor to check on Kathy. Terri, the Black Belt woman was already there consoling her. It looked like Kathy might be crying but she refused to show me any tears. Putting up a stiff upper lip she mentioned she was “fine” and that everything was okay. Terri assured me that she had the situation under control so I returned to the floor. After re-administering my standard warning to all about control and following the rules of agreement, sparring continued. A short time later I saw Kathy leaving the school and went over to ask how she was doing. Again she assured me that everything was okay as she walked out the door. Terri returned to sparring and we finished the session without further incident.”

“A couple of weeks went by and I saw no sign of Kathy. When I inquired to Terri about what was up, her reply caught me off guard. Taking me aside, she explained that Kathy was in an abusive relationship and had received several beatings from her alcoholic husband over the years, one of them quite recently. This was the very reason she had originally signed up for the martial arts. My expression conveyed the amazement common among men who simply can’t comprehend why anyone would ever stay in such a relationship. Terri said it was a difficult situation and that we should give Kathy space to determine if and when she wanted to resume class. She also mentioned that being a woman in martial arts was far different than it was for men. At the time I had no real idea of what she meant, nor did I have any plausible solutions.”

“Sadly, Kathy never returned for another class. Even worse, I later learned that she had actually tried to fight off her husband using the techniques I had taught her and that her self-defense attempts had only enraged her drunken husband into beating her worse. Needless to say the incident hit me pretty hard, and I felt pretty helpless about it all.”

This incident occurred approximately eighteen years ago. I had just returned from 2 years of living and studying Martial Arts in Asia after a four-year hitch in a Marine Recon Unit. Teaching the Martial Arts was my joy and helped provide extra income. Like most male martial arts instructors, I was a nice guy who genuinely cared about people and their ability to defend themselves. But I was way out of touch with the issues that can come up when working with women in this male dominated environment. Now, after fifteen years of co-teaching women’s self defense seminars with various female experts on violence against women, and having worked with literally hundreds of abuse survivors, the picture is much clearer.

As I see it, there are 3 very important issues that are not being addressed in most martial arts schools:

1. As men, it is very difficult to understand the level of intimidation and fear that many women feel in everyday situations that guys take for granted. This dynamic is definitely alive in the martial arts world. Fortunately a lot of the “good ole boy” attitude has been left behind, though certainly not all of it. But even in progressive schools the environment can still be very challenging for women. Whether female students have any history of abuse or not, activities like sparring or grappling with the nicest of guys can trigger emotional issues. More women students leave the Martial Arts for these reasons than most of us realize.
2. Teaching women the standard self-defense moves that were handed down to us by our instructors are often not only insufficient for dealing with the ways that women are attacked, they can actually set up women to be greater victims. This does not mean that the martial arts are wrong or bad, but that traditional MA training lacks components that are critical for women to effectively deal with violent confrontations. If these standard self-defense methods have gotten many a Black Belt man beaten by a good street-fighter (and they have!), imagine how many women martial artists have been hurt over the years in violent altercations.
3. The majority of attacks on women are perpetrated by someone that they know. It’s one thing to fight back in a dark alley where it’s is clearly an assault, and another matter completely to fight back against abusive friends, co-workers, boyfriends, or husbands where the boundaries are already vague and the socio-conditioning screams at them to not fight back, don’t make a scene, and just put up with the behavior. Date rape and battered women syndrome are very real problems with very real psychological issues that require solutions far beyond the scope of physical defense techniques.

The Martial Arts are technique-based paradigms. Each student makes a long-term journey to learn and master the various physical techniques required of their respective style. The success of the new evolution of self-defense programs (EZ Defense, FAST, RMCAT, and others) has shown that real life self-defense requires more than just physical techniques.

Awareness and education of the following dynamics of assault and the mistakes people make under duress is crucial for self defense to be effective:

• The socio conditioning that can keep someone from fighting back at all
• The often debilitating effects of the adrenaline fear response
• The mindset and intention of attackers
• The verbal skills to de-escalate or ward off a hostile person
• The proper mindset to act when needed. If a person is unable or unwilling to fight back with absolute commitment, no technique in the world is going to help them.

We are not therapists but we do owe our students the very best instruction and help we can provide. If you know of a woman who has been in or is currently in an abusive relationship, there are resources available in most communities to help deal with this problem. You will help by being supportive and pointing her in the right direction to get help from professionals who have experience with these issues. Your local Rape Crisis Center, Battered Women’s Shelter, and Victims Assistance (usually attached to the District Attorney’s Office), can all point you in the right direction if they can’t help you directly. They can also provide you with a reading list or personal training on how to better address violence against women.

Simply being aware of these complicated issues goes a long way in being more sensitive to the unique needs of female students and providing a safe environment for them to train. The communication age is about breaking barriers and improving our lives faster and better than ever before. It is time to further break out of the box of the good ole boy Karate Gym and provide the highest quality service we can to all of our students. They deserve nothing less and we all benefit from the effort!

~ Bill Kipp

FAST Defense Website

Dinoto Karate Center's self-defense for women call 856-235-0414 or email Master Erika Dinoto at dinotokarate@gmail.com

10 Simple Lessons In Self-Defense, For Girls

It’s this simple: Children defend themselves with their heads. It’s knowledge that protects children in today’s world. Knowledge about safety, about what to avoid, about what to do, where to go, and how to stay out of harm’s way.

I’m a part of a remarkable association of martial arts teachers, really forward thinking and action-oriented instructors, who come together almost every day to move worthwhile projects forward. The group is called The One Hundred, it’s headed by a 6th degree black belt named Tom Callos (www.tomcallos.com).

The One Hundred, all of us, work on things that are, literally, “good for the world.” Like we’re bringing diabetes education to martial arts schools and anger management training and environmental self-defense programs. This week we launched a very simple, but powerful website to help girls (young women) learn about a kind of self-defense made just for today’s world.

The site, still being added to and polished, is www.flavors.me/10Lessons . Check it out.

And if you know a young person who could use some self-defense instruction, send them our way. Tell us you visited our 10 Lessons site and we’ll give you a self-defense lesson for free --and one thing you will NEVER get at a school in The One Hundred, is a “sales pitch.” We don’t see over the counter, we sell by engaging in and delivering extraordinary work.

For your free self-defense class and mark my words here, there’s no “hook” or sales pitch in this offer. This is simply a way for you to try our school, before ever THINKING about enrollment. Click HERE or contact us at: 856-235-0414