Healthy Eating Habit - When It's Junk Food Time, Don't Overdo It

Being a healthy eater does not mean that you must never, ever again enjoy tasty treats that may not be good for you. That would be no fun. In fact, it's important for you to enjoy your favorite foods from time to time, even if they aren't healthy.  The trick is not to overdo it. If you love chocolate cake, enjoy it from time to time. Just be sure to enjoy it less often and in smaller portions. Eating smaller portions makes you more mindful of every bite.

Most of us don't have the willpower to do with without putting together a clear plan ahead of time. There are several things you can do to put this plan into action.  One way is to set aside one day a week for junk food. Perhaps you decide to eat junk food from Saturday night to Sunday night. This would be that for the rest of the week you avoid the chocolate cake. But, you will be able to do it because in the back of your mind you can look forward to enjoying a small portion this upcoming weekend completely guilt-free. This alone will often help keep your willpower strong.

Another strategy is to pick one time every day when you are going to allow yourself to have a small portion of that favorite junk food. Then be sure to stick to your plan. And don't forget the word "small." This is crucial to your long-term success.

Remember, when you are following a predetermined plan and it is time for you to enjoy a little junk food, don't feel guilty; instead, enjoy yourself and move on.

Finally, remember you can eat anything you want within reason once in a while, but not everything you want any time.

Building Our Communities One Family At A Time

Constantly Catch Your Kids Doing Something Right

From Dave Kovar's Blog!

This is an excerpt my book, “A Dad’s Toolbox for Better Parenting”. This story is titled “Constantly catch your child doing things right” and it illustrates a great example of what not to do with your relationships.

As a child, I spent a lot of time down the street at the Gray family’s house. They had a pool, a billiards table and a whole lot of ice cream in the freezer. The only drawback was Mrs. Gray. All the kids referred to her as the “neighborhood nag.” She was constantly on both of her boys and, for that matter, her boys’ friends. Nothing was ever done well enough to suit her. She constantly found fault.

One day, Mr. Gray asked his sons and me to clean up the kitchen before Mrs. Gray got home. We went to it, almost excited as we anticipated Mrs. Gray’s compliment on a job well done. Upon her return, the boys raced out to meet her, excited to show her what we had accomplished. Instead of appreciating our efforts, she complained that the floor hadn’t been swept and the garbage had not been emptied. I remained friends with the Gray boys for years to come. I didn’t see them try to please their mother after that incident. After all, pleasing her was impossible. Why even try?

Over the years, their relationship with their mother continued to deteriorate until, last I heard, they no longer had contact with her. I know she loved her boys, but in her attempt to “make them better,” she never praised their efforts or caught them doing things right. Mrs. Gray taught me a lot of what not to do as a parent. Correcting my children is necessary at times, but I spend more time looking for what they’re doing right. The more I look, the more I discover.

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The Kovar Story

In 1978, Kyoshi (Master Teacher) Dave Kovar opened his first school with a vision to empower people by teaching martial arts on a completely different level than could be found anywhere else. He was soon joined by his brother Tim who brought innovative business practices to the operation. Their reputation for combining self defense and life skills grew and as the word spread, Kovar’s Martial Arts opened new locations, garnered awards, earned prestigious industry accolades and gained nationwide recognition.


Today, the organization is named Kovar’s Satori Academy, adding in the Japanese word ‘Satori’ which symbolizes our goal for all students: Which means to be “in the moment… at your best.”

If you would like a free copy of Dave's book, "A Dad's Toolbox for Better Parenting", call Dinoto Karate Center in Mount Laurel NJ at 856-235-0414.

We are committed to families and communities.

Empowering the Parenting - My Child's Behavior is so bad, where do I begin? How to Coach your child Forward

After teaching a couple karate classes yesterday, I found myself in several conversations with parents about their child's behavior (negative) and some suggestions on what they can do.

Here is an article I read from a parent's resource site.

My Child's Behavior is so bad, where do I begin?
How to Coach Your Child Forward
by Carole Banks, MSW, Parental Support Line Advisor

“My child misbehaves so much that I don’t even know where to start!” This is one of the most common things we hear on the Parental Support Line, and it’s an understandable problem. Many parents tell me they feel overwhelmed, frustrated and anxious when dealing with their child or teen’s acting out behavior; they wonder how they’ll be able to tackle so many issues at once. But here’s a secret: thinking about the problem in this way will only make you feel defeated before you even start.

“Start where your child is and coach them forward.”

James Lehman says: “Start where your child is and coach them forward.” In other words, build on your child’s strengths and keep your expectations reasonable. We also recommend that you not try to tackle everything at once, but pick one or two behaviors you want to change and then move on from there. Remember, your overall goal is to see your child make improvements—it’s not simply to have your child do what you tell them to do.

If you feel completely overwhelmed by your child’s behavior problems, here are 8 tips to help you focus on changing your child's behavior, step by step.

1. Try to Have Reasonable Goals.
   
   I think that many times instead of trying to make gradual changes, parents expect that all the inappropriate behavior will stop immediately. The truth is, you might see certain behaviors stop right away, but it doesn’t necessarily mean your child will never act out again. It’s not going to be instantaneous, and it will take just as much practice on your part as it does on your child’s part. Change takes time. It’s not just you who needs time practicing new techniques. Your child also needs to practice so he can learn by repetition. The reason you want to ask for reasonable change is because your child cannot make major changes all at once.
2. Coaching Your Child Forward: Know What His Strengths Are
   It’s important to have a good idea of what your child is capable of doing. Here’s an example: Some kids have an issue like ADD or ADHD. It’s important to get a really good understanding of what ADHD looks like in your child. Is it hard for him to focus and stay organized? Maybe he daydreams when he’s supposed to be working. Every child is different, and it’s important for you to modify your expectations accordingly. It’s also important for your child to know what his strengths and weaknesses are so he can recognize when he’s getting off track and learn how to get back on. After determining what your child’s strengths and weaknesses are, understand that he will make improvements from that starting point.
   
   I’ve seen kids who are defiant or oppositional completely throw in the towel because they’re not capable of doing what you’re asking, particularly in relation to school work. That’s why it’s extremely important to find out what your child’s abilities are and begin right there. That’s one of the most important steps in making sure your expectations are reasonable.
3. Keep in Mind That Your Child is Working Toward a Goal
   Accept that your child is working toward a goal. In other words, your child is probably not going to be able to stop his inappropriate behavior on a dime. If your teen is in the habit of getting his way by intimidating others in the family with his angry outbursts, understand that this behavior is not going to go away immediately. Work with him on making small steps toward good behavior. You might say, “You need to give me your cell phone for the next two hours until you can behave and talk appropriately.” The key is that during that time, your child is practicing this new skill. You’re not saying, “That’s it—you’ve lost your phone all day.” Many kids struggle with punishments that last too long and end up giving up halfway through. Instead, you want to have short-term goals throughout the day. Work toward short-term accomplishments and successes all day long.
4. Pick One Behavior to Work on at a Time
   When I ask parents what they’d like to start working on with their child, many say general things like, “I just want my kid to listen to me,” or “I want my teen to do what I ask him to do when I ask him.” I think it’s very important to pick a specific behavior to start with and a time of day when it should be accomplished. When you’re just beginning to use the techniques in the Total Transformation Program, it’s important to put some structure in your child’s schedule or else you’re too likely to get into a power struggle with him each time you ask him to stop what he’s doing and do what you want. Choose a concrete behavior, such as doing homework daily, or being home at curfew, instead of working on your child’s attitude. You might feel concerned because you’re letting other behaviors slide when you focus on just one, but realize that your child is actually learning skills when he changes one behavior at a time—skills that he will be able to use in all situations going forward. Primarily, he is learning how to do what he doesn’t feel like doing, and that there will be a consequence if he behaves inappropriately. Make no mistake, a lot is happening when you choose one behavior at a time and work solely on it.
5. Start with Physical Behavior
   Many parents ask, “Where do I start?” I always recommend that you begin with physical behavior first. It could be a safety issue, like your child sneaking out of the house at night. Many parents will say that back talk is the biggest thing they’re dealing with. It’s really hard for them to tolerate, and that’s natural. But if your child is not coming home at night, I suggest putting backtalk aside for a bit and focusing on making sure he’s safe and complying with house rules regarding curfew.
   
   Physical behavior can also apply to kids who act out and are destructive or abusive at home. If your child is punching holes in the walls or intimidating his siblings physically, you want to start there. We recommend that you adopt James’ philosophy of, “There’s no excuse for abuse” in your family. Let your kids know there will be stern consequences for their actions and follow through on them.
   
   A lot of parents will avoid tackling these big issues because it’s easier to pick something small than it is to address the big scary things. But if it’s a health or safety concern I don’t think you have any choice—that should always come first.
6. Can’t Decide Which Behavior to Tackle First? Get Some Help
   There are some instances where you may be forced to deal with two behaviors at the same time. Let’s say your child talks back to you while you’re trying to help him complete his homework assignment, and you’re not sure which behavior to address first. This is where the Total Transformation Parental Support Line can be really helpful. We can help you determine, based on your child and what his overall behavior is like, what the best issue is to address first. We can tell you what technique to really focus on and which ones to set aside for later—and we’ll help you come up with a practical strategy.
7. If Your Child Doesn’t Seem to be Making Enough Progress…
   A common stumbling block for parents is when they feel as if their child isn’t making enough progress. But remember, the goal is that your child improves—not that they will listen to you 100% of the time. It’s very different.
   
   Sometimes you can change that by changing your parenting techniques and the house rules. Power struggles between you and your child will usually cause him to dig in and not cooperate. Putting more structure into place is sometimes necessary. You might say, “You have to do your chores Saturday morning if you want to go out Saturday night. Get started at 10:00 a.m.”
   
   At other times, your child might be having real difficulty making improvements. James Lehman says we have to “parent the child we have and not the child we wish we had.” He reminds us that our kids are unique individuals. This brings us back to the importance of determining your child’s capabilities—again, be sure that what you’re asking of your child is reasonable.
8. Don’t Take It Personally
   Many parents also get trapped in wanting their kids to feel a certain way. They want their kids to care about cleaning their room or to care about the effect doing homework will have on their future. The truth is, it’s not your child’s fault; he’s really not wired to feel that way yet. The important thing is not that your child cares, it’s that he learns how to do things even if he doesn’t feel like doing them. This is a huge life skill.
   
   When you’re working to have your child’s behavior change, try to pay attention to what it looks like rather than what your child is saying. James says to ask yourself, “What would I see if I were watching this on television with the sound turned down? What would my child’s behavior look like right now?” I think this is a really good way to visualize what behavior is when you’re having a hard time separating it from what your child says or feels. Just ask yourself, “What is my child doing?”
   
   Let’s say the sound is turned down and you see your teenager fighting with you, then he’s stomping off to clean his room. He may be sullen and have a bad attitude, but he’s also doing what you asked. Work on the behavior first, and the attitude will come. James says, “Don’t feel your way to better behavior; behave your way to better feelings.” And that’s exactly what you want your child to do.

Sometimes in parenting, it really is “two steps forward, one step back.” But remember, even if that’s the case, you are still moving forward. Yes, your child will challenge you. He’ll come back and test you to see if things have really changed; he’ll see if he can get you to go back to the way you used to be, particularly if he was calling all the shots. But stand your ground and eventually his behavior will change. One way to stay encouraged is to remember where your child started and compare it to the progress he’s made. It’s also important to encourage your child when this happens. Keep saying things like, “I know you can make improvements because you have already done it. Keep at this.”

For more articles, visit http://www.empoweringparents.com/

Happy Father’s Day: The Benefits of Dads to Children

Dr. Robyn Silverman is a child development expert who appears on television quite frequently, particularly, the Today Show. She also is the creator of Powerful Words, a character development program for children. In honor of father's day, she shares with us an article about fathers.

Happy Father's Day!

By Dr. Robyn on June 17, 2011

I watch my husband with my children in complete awe. They just adore him and he is so taken with them. He’s hilarious and goofy, stern yet gentle, physical yet affectionate and kind. I consider our family so blessed to have him as my children’s Dad. What a Dad he is.

If anyone believes that a father’s influence is any less important that a mother’s, they are certainly mistaken. The presence of involved, engaged fathers in their children’s lives can have enormous social, cognitive, and emotional benefits- whether a father is an everyday fixture in a child’s life or only sees them once in a while.

Benefits of Dads (who are involved and engaged in their children’s lives)

• Increased self-confidence, self reliance. Empathy, self control, overall well being and assertiveness
• Higher academic achievement
• Lower delinquency rates, lower rates of teen violence, failing/dropping out, legal issues
• Better career advancement (most notably in fields of science, math and tech for girls is increased)
• Score higher on cognitive tests
• Improved cognitive ability
• More likely to avoid teen pregnancy, early marriage, physical/emotional abuse
• Positive risk taking increased, willing to try new things.
• More equipped to resist peer pressure—premature sex, smoking, eating disorders (for girls)
• Better sociability and better able to work with people in authority (teachers and employers)

(So it’s important for mothers to allow and encourage fathers and children to spend time together)

Are fathers more important in a boy’s life than a girl’s life?

Fathers are vital in both the lives of their sons and their daughters. However, Sometimes Dads forget just how important they are: a Roper Poll commissioned in 2004 by the nonprofit advocacy group Dads and Daughters reported that two-thirds of fathers surveyed didn’t think their active involvement in their daughters’ lives was vital to the daughters’ health and well-being.

Some fathers don’t live with their children full time. Some are in a divorce situation while others must live away do to work needs. How would you tell a father to best stay in touch and connect with their children in these circumstances?

(1) Make parenting a priority: Even when you are away, you are still their Dad. Make sure that you make time to let your children know that you are thinking of them, love them, and are there for them in any way you can be.

(2) Take an interest in what they care about: Make sure you know the names of their best friends, their favorite activities and their current struggles. Open conversation about things that matter to them.

(3) Listen and ask specific questions: If you have limited time, make sure you listen more than you talk. Ask questions about their lives– and make them specific. Instead of asking; “what’s new?” or “How are things?” Ask; “What was something fun that you did with your best friend, Dena, this week?” “What new skill did you learn in martial arts class?” or “What was something that made you smile since we talked on Tuesday?”

(4) Know that the little things count: If you can’t talk for long, call, email, or skype anyway. Even a few minutes to show your children you care is better than nothing at all. Make a little video of yourself telling them how important they are to you or of you wishing them luck on their next big game– even though you can’t be there yourself. If you don’t have phone or internet access, write little notes about things you are thinking or doing or wondering about them– and then send them snail mail so they can always know you are thinking of them.

(5) Spend alone time with your children: When you don’t see your children a great deal, the typical temptation is to lump them together and spend time with everyone at once. However, once in a while, even spending short, focused interactions with one at a time can give them the undivided attention that they need to know you care and to share with you what’s going on in their lives. This time should be scheduled, reliable and predictable, if possible, such that a child knows that every Sunday at 10am s/he has brunch with Dad or every Saturday afternoon, they go for a walk/drive/run/bike ride/martial arts class. As you may have seen in my Today Show segment yesterday, even a little silly rough-housing and “horseplay” with Dad can have great benefits. * A new study tells us that children’s perception of how much time they spent with their fathers had the most impact on bullying behavior. (Vanderbilt U, 2011).

Happy Father’s Day to all you Dads out there. You matter so much– thank you for all that you do.

Peter Liciaga
Dinoto Karate Center
856-235-0414

A Dad's Toolbox for Better Parenting Book now Available

Great parenting workshop this past Saturday. Thank you to everyone that came out! Parents that came, please contact me to recieve your free copy of Dave Kovar's new book, A Dad's Toolbox for Better Parenting".

For those of you that could not make the workshop, here is my discussion outline http://dl.dropbox.com/u/9985682/TOOLBOX%20for%20Better%20Parenting.pdf

If anyone would like to purchase Dave's book for only $14.95, you can contact me at pliciaga@gmail.com -- we have 7 left.

Your Mount Laurel Martial Artist
Peter Liciaga
http://www.peterliciaga.org/

"A Dad's Toolbox for Parenting" - Mount Laurel's Peter Liciaga trains with author and parenting expert

Peter Liciaga and Dave Kovar discuss Dave's new parenting book, "A Dad's Toolbox for Better Parenting". Dave's expertise as a leader and teacher in the martial arts world, as well as his own journey of fatherhood, gives him a unique perspective to speak out on what it really means to be a Dad. But more than experience, Dave has a passion for helping children and their parents lead healthier, happier lives. A Dad's Toolbox for Better Parenting is a source of constant support and practical inspiration on how to be a better father-the kind of father you want to be and your children deserve.

Peter Liciaga will be doing a video series on lessons from this book. For more information about this series, visit http://www.dinotokarate.com/

Dave Kovar's book is available at http://www.amazon.com/Dads-Toolbox-Better-Parenting/dp/0984542477