Healthy Eating Habit - When It's Junk Food Time, Don't Overdo It

Being a healthy eater does not mean that you must never, ever again enjoy tasty treats that may not be good for you. That would be no fun. In fact, it's important for you to enjoy your favorite foods from time to time, even if they aren't healthy.  The trick is not to overdo it. If you love chocolate cake, enjoy it from time to time. Just be sure to enjoy it less often and in smaller portions. Eating smaller portions makes you more mindful of every bite.

Most of us don't have the willpower to do with without putting together a clear plan ahead of time. There are several things you can do to put this plan into action.  One way is to set aside one day a week for junk food. Perhaps you decide to eat junk food from Saturday night to Sunday night. This would be that for the rest of the week you avoid the chocolate cake. But, you will be able to do it because in the back of your mind you can look forward to enjoying a small portion this upcoming weekend completely guilt-free. This alone will often help keep your willpower strong.

Another strategy is to pick one time every day when you are going to allow yourself to have a small portion of that favorite junk food. Then be sure to stick to your plan. And don't forget the word "small." This is crucial to your long-term success.

Remember, when you are following a predetermined plan and it is time for you to enjoy a little junk food, don't feel guilty; instead, enjoy yourself and move on.

Finally, remember you can eat anything you want within reason once in a while, but not everything you want any time.

Words of Wisdom, Pass It On

Commentary by Jacqueline Georgi

This last weekend I watched a Youtube video series called At Risk Youth A Skype Interview with Education Activist Peter Liciaga interviewing his sister Mary Liciaga who is a Parent Partner for Parents with At Risk Youth. I was amazed at the wealth of new information and wisdom that has been shared in the series so far..



As mentioned early on in the interview, all of our kids are at risk for various dangers particular to youth of today. As a parent of two teenagers and working with youth professionaly, it is imperative to inform myself on the techniques and tools I can utilize with successful results.

There were so many things that Mary Liciaga says in her interview that resonates with my experience in working with young people. For example, you can have all the funding, and programs galore, but nothing compares to interacting with a caring, compassionate, loving human being. Having a person-to-person interaction is a crucial element to establish trust which is essential for any help to be effective. These one-to-one interactions take time in which patience and non-judgment are essential components.

To illustrate, helping youth work through their emotional issues, I make it a point to just listen to them when they want to open up and talk.To listen without judgment, or thinking about what we are going to say next, but really listen with all our awareness is beneficial in itself. So many times we are too busy lecturing and giving advice that we forget how just listening to someone can make them feel safe. Some of us don't really know how to listen, and we have to start by learning to focus all our attention on what the person is saying without having our own personal conversation inside.

Another interesting point that was touched upon in Part Two was to focus on the strengths of the person or family, and not just focus on the "problem". Its so true that energy grows where attention goes. In other words, what you focus on grows, therefore, focus on what you have/do that will lead you closer to your goals or resolving the conflict. This technique at problem-solving seems to yield better results, as it helps us to be in the moment, to dig into our hidden talents which are our unique strengths, and relieves the mental fatigue of constantly focusing on the" lack of", conflict, or problem.

Perhaps the most valuable bit of wisdom for me was the discussion about setting goals, meeting deadlines, and/or action plans. Sometimes, these plans fizzle out before they begin, because people may be in "survival mode."This means simply that we are needing to attend to our basic needs of nutrition, rest, and resources of support.. Survival mode needs to be acknowledged and dealt with before we can even begin to think about creating goals. To get out of survival mode, Mary suggests we ask 3 simple questions. Are you eating? How are you sleeping? and Do you see people? Getting into the hole and helping them answer these basic questions is the first step toward goal setting and creating a vision. This is an important step that seems to be generally overlooked and needs more recognition.

Reflecting on this, I would add that many times in my own life, I jump or fall back into survival mode, juggling the complexities of raising a family and working 3 jobs, with getting the right nutrition, enough rest, and surrounding myself with positive people. Maybe slipping back in survival mode a bit happens to all of us, but some of us know beforehand that this will eventually happen, and we know the steps to take that will help us get out of survival mode, and into creating the life we want mode. Its also important to remember that some people have only known survival mode as the only form of living. I would dare say most people in the world are living on economic survival mode, and the system is designed that way to keep us stressed and at the level of productive workers and consumers, but that is for another story....Yes, to some people, surviving is all they know, and the concept of setting positive smart goals may be new to them and need time digest.

Speaking of creating, Mary mentions working with vision boards, and I just got out my vision board kit I bought years ago. What are the chances of bringing out this kit just a few days before hearing someone discuss how they made one? When synchronistic events like this happen, I know I am on the right path with the flow of the Universe, and it fills my heart with gratitude and joy. I will be discussing what vision boards are and how we can create them in a future blog, but for now I'd like to finish by inviting you to check out the series for yourselves, and/or comment your thoughts, and what speaks to you.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hZfWkYT0YUY

How Kids Learn To Follow Directions and Ways to Get Your Child to Listen

The Professional Martial Arts Educator’s Corner

Learning to follow directions is very important life skill. From being a “First Time Listener” to following directions, a martial arts educator’s number one priority is to make sure all students understand the importance of being the best student they can be and this begins with following directions.

Developmentally we measure whether it is a one step command or more, but in the whole scheme of life it is much more important than that. Your Mount Laurel Martial Arts educator, Peter Liciaga, offers some practical suggestions for improving your child’s compliance with doing what they are told.

As martial arts professionals, we can help teach parents these techniques. These techniques increase parental follow through which can produce the desired results from their children. We can also use these ideas ourselves, in our interactions with children and families, to achieve the cooperation we are striving for.

How Kids Learn to Follow Directions:
13 Easy Ways to get Your Children to Listen -- and Mind

Reported Created by Peter Liciaga

When I went to my five-year-old son’s room-20 minutes after I’d sent him to his room to put on his karate uniform –Christian was sitting on the floor in his play clothes, happily playing with his Hot Wheels. Though I tried to stay calm, my voice grew sharp with annoyance as I asked, "What are you doing? I told you to get ready for karate!"

Few things are as frustrating and as infuriating, as having our children ignore our instructions. But how do we convince our children that it's important to follow directions—not just to please us or avoid punishments, but to make their own lives easier as well? After all, a child's health and safety can depend on his ability to follow orders and direction. And kids function better in school, sports and other group activities when they know how to carry out instructions. Here's some expert guidance on getting your kids to do as they're told.

What to avoid

The methods parents typically use to get children to listen are often ineffective or actually encourage noncompliance, according to a study by Edward Christophersen, PhD, professor of pediatrics at Children's Mercy Hospital in Kansas City, Missouri, and author of Beyond Discipline: Parenting That Lasts a Lifetime (Westport Publishers). He and other experts advise steering clear of some common mistakes.

·         Don't say "don't." A negative instruction like "Don't let me come home and find that you still haven't done your homework!" is much more likely to be ignored than one that gives a positive alternative, such as "Please get started on your homework right after you eat your snack this afternoon." Emphasizing what your child is not to do has pitfalls, Chistophersen says. Kids under age frequently misunderstand negative directions—particularly if they are shouted—and may hear "Don't bring that wet dog into your room" as a command to "Bring the wet dog into your room." Older children may find that disregarding a "don't" can be more rewarding than obeying it: They get your attention that way.

·         Reasoning gets little or no results. Explaining why certain actions are undesirable—"If you leave your toys lying around, you might trip over them and hurt yourself"—has no impact on children under age six, Christophersen finds. Your words simply go in one ear and out the other. "A young child doesn't relate to abstract future consequences, so he's not likely to be motivated by a warning like this. Since he isn't hurt right now, he doesn't feel there's anything to worry about."

With an older child, a detailed list of reasons for every rule can spark a tedious debate or, at best, create short-lived compliance, he adds. You might get a 10-year-old to return a book to the library on time by explaining that if she doesn't, she'll have to pay the fine out of her allowance. However, she'll probably forget to return the next book she borrows because at this age, dipping into her piggy bank isn't nearly as painful as wasting precious playtime to walk to the library.

·         The more you nag, the less kids listen. It's very easy for parents to slip into the "nagging and shouting syndrome," observes psychotherapist James Windell, MA, author of Children Who Say No When You Want Them to Say Yes (Macmillan Books). "When a child doesn't respond the first time she's told to do something, parents often repeat the request over and over until they finally lose their temper and start shouting. The message you give your child when you let her tune you out many times is that there's no need to pay attention to you until you're screaming."

·         Avoid empty ultimatums or threats. Making impulsive threats when a child doesn't listen, such as "Do this right now, or I'm going to ground you!" is another common mistake parents make, Windell says. This can create a no-win situation, because kids resent being forced to give in. As a result, they often get angry and end up focusing on that anger instead of concentrating on what you asked them to do.

Tactics to try

With a few minor adjustments in the way you give directions, you can prevent communication problems as well as create an atmosphere that encourages cooperation. These attention-getting strategies will help you get your message through to your kids.

·         Lay the right groundwork. The time to work on better communication with your child isn't when you're already knee-deep in conflict over something he's forgotten to do, but during the calm moments of the day, says Susan K. Golant, co-author of Getting Through to Your Kids (Lowell House). "Show your child you're curious about what's going on with him, so he feels comfortable discussing any problems that may be making him less attentive than usual. You might want to set aside time each day to talk."

What if your child is too young for such discussions? "Play activities are a good way to elicit a preschooler's feelings," adds Golant. "If your four-year-old is being balky, you could use dolls or puppets to act out the situation. She'll probably laugh when she sees the 'child' puppet dawdling instead of getting dressed or eating dinner. Then you can ask her why the puppet is doing that. Also try giving her the 'Mommy' puppet, so you can see how she perceives your behavior toward her. You may get some unexpected insights into how you interact with each other."

·         Define your expectations. A key step to having your child hear you is to decide exactly what you'd like him to do, emphasizes Windell. "Many parents fail to tell their kids what they expect of them—but get angry anyway when their child doesn't do a particular task," he says. "Mom or Dad comes home from work, sees their kid has left dirty dishes and food out in the kitchen, then greets him with an outburst, such as 'What's wrong with you? Can't you even clean up your own mess?' Since the child was never given clear instructions to do this, he'll get angry about this unjust attack, and that leads to an unpleasant confrontation."

A more productive approach would be to come up with a precise, positive guideline you want your child to follow. For example, try saying "After your snack, I want you to put your dishes in the dishwasher and the food back in the fridge."

·         Get her undivided attention. Before telling your child about an important rule or expectation, eliminate potential distractions. If he's playing, ask him to put down his toys for a minute, then move them out of his reach. Turn off the TV or radio, and sit down next to him. Make sure he is facing you before you speak—you may need to gently turn his shoulders toward you or touch his cheek to get his total attention. Next, look him right in the eyes, and use his name: "Christian, I need you to ask me before you go out into the yard."

·         Let your child help make some of the rules. Everyone, kids and adults, wants to have a say in things that concern them. To help your child feel that he's not always being bossed around, request feedback from him if possible as you make a new rule or give him instructions to do something. For example, a 10-year-old might be told, "I notice that there are candy wrappers on your floor. What do you think would be a good rule to help you remember to throw them away in the future?" Giving a child a say gives him motivation to follow the rule or direction—and he's less likely to claim you're unfair.

·         Give choices—not commands. Whenever possible, let your kids decide how or when to follow your directions. With a five-year-old, you might say, "You need to put away your crayons. Do you want to do that now or in fifteen minutes?" Again, giving your child some say in what procedures she's to follow can often prevent power struggles.

Be careful, however, not to use words implying that not doing the task is one of the options, notes Windell. "If you say, 'Would you mind taking the garbage out?' your youngster probably won't realize this is meant as a rhetorical question. She's likely to argue with you, because in her mind, the answer is yes, she would mind taking the garbage out and would rather have somebody else do it. If you want to offer her a choice, make it clear that what she gets to decide is when to do the job, not whether to do it."

·         Make instructions easy to understand. Many parents give directions that are too broad and open to misinterpretation. Instead of just telling your nine-year-old to clean out his closet, break the task down into several steps, and stay with him until the job is completed. You might begin by saying, "Put the dirty clothes in the hamper." Next, tell him, "Put all the toys in this box." Then say, "Throw those crumpled papers in your wastebasket."

·         Ask your child to repeat your request. Getting your youngster to recite rules and instructions out loud can prevent tearful protests of "I didn't know" or "I didn't understand" later on. Ask young, easily distracted kids to repeat your directions silently to themselves several times. Offer older kids a written checklist or, better still, have them write down the information themselves.

·         Create positive and negative consequences. Offering a reward for following your directions, and a penalty for disregarding them, has two important advantages, Windell says. First, you'll provide motivation for your child to mind you when you tell her that if she finishes her homework by six, she'll have time to watch her favorite TV show. Then you'll reinforce the message by reminding her that if she doesn't, the TV will stay off all evening. "You'll also give your kid the freedom to decide how she wants to behave, instead of giving her the feeling she's being forced to do what you say," observes Windell.

·         Acknowledge good behavior. Do you pay more attention to your kids when they shout or ignore you than when they quietly follow directions? "What most parents don't realize is that even so-called 'negative' attention can reinforce disobedience unless you make an effort to balance it by noticing and appreciating your kids when they're being good," says Christophersen. "Give them a brief hug or a kind word anytime you see they're doing something you approve of. You don't have to make a big deal of it—a quick pat on the back now and then can do more to get your kids to cooperate than an hour of reprimands." So stop scolding, and start setting loving limits that make everybody feel good about doing what you say, when you say it!

Education Activist, Peter Liciaga, is a Master Martial Arts Educator and a father of two who lives in Mount Laurel, New Jersey.

Peter is also a Master Instructor at Dinoto Karate Center in Mount Laurel NJ and a member of The 100 and The Ultimate Black Belt Test. Both programs were created by instructor, mentor and friend, Tom Callos, who has over 40 years experience teaching and training in the martial arts.

Manage "Karate Refusal"

If your child seems to get sick every time it's time to go to karate (or school), the main goal in managing this is keeping your child on track to doing what we know is helpful and necessary for their mental and physical growth. Unfortunately, when your child seems sick and are trying to stay home from karate, it is not always easy to recognize that they are avoiding karate.

That is why a visit to your pediatrician is usually a good first step when your kids don’t want to go to karate. This can help ensure that your child doesn’t have a physical condition causing his symptoms. Unfortunately, while a physical condition can often be ruled out after your pediatrician talks to you and your child and does a physical exam, some children with "school refusal" end up seeing multiple specialists and having many tests before a diagnosis is finally made.

Once a diagnosis of school (karate) refusal is made, it can help to:

• make sure that your child goes to karate on the scheduled day, since the more he stays home, the harder it will be to get him to get back on track.
• understand that even though your child likely doesn’t have a physical problem causing his symptoms, that doesn’t mean that those symptoms aren’t real. So your child isn’t necessarily making up symptoms, such as stomachaches or headaches. They may just be caused by his anxiety about going to karate.
• talk to your child and his karate teacher to see if you can figure out what is triggering your child’s karate avoidance behaviors, such as a bully, karate performance problems, or challenge fitting in.
• consider getting help from a child psychiatrist and/or a child psychologist, in addition to your pediatrician, especially if you feel like you are having to force your child to go to karate.
• have a plan for when your child has symptoms at karate, such as spending 5 to 10 minutes sitting on the side and then returning to class.
• keep a symptom diary and see / speak to your pediatrician regularly keeping them in the loop.
• consider family therapy if there are any stressors at home, like a divorce, separation, discipline problems, death in the family, new sibling, or a recent move.

One of the most important things for parents is to be open to the idea that a child’s symptoms might be caused by "school refusal" and not a physical problem. This will help get your child back on track faster and avoid unnecessary medical tests. Even if you are not convinced that your child has "school refusal" after seeing your pediatrician, you can keep your child in school as you proceed with a second opinion or further evaluation for a physical problem.

Definition of "School Refusal"

School Refusal Overview


School refusal occurs when a student will not go to school or frequently experiences severe distress related to school attendance. Comprehensive treatment of school refusal, including psychiatric and medical evaluation when appropriate, is important because studies show that psychiatric disorders are the cause for up to 46% of students who fail to complete high school in the United States. Parents can do several things to help their child who refuses to attend school and treatment may be necessary. With treatment, the rate of remission is excellent; approximately 83% of children with school refusal who were treated with cognitive therapy were attending school at 1-year follow-up. School refusal is considered more of a symptom than a disorder and can have various causes. Read more

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Empowering the Parenting - My Child's Behavior is so bad, where do I begin? How to Coach your child Forward

After teaching a couple karate classes yesterday, I found myself in several conversations with parents about their child's behavior (negative) and some suggestions on what they can do.

Here is an article I read from a parent's resource site.

My Child's Behavior is so bad, where do I begin?
How to Coach Your Child Forward
by Carole Banks, MSW, Parental Support Line Advisor

“My child misbehaves so much that I don’t even know where to start!” This is one of the most common things we hear on the Parental Support Line, and it’s an understandable problem. Many parents tell me they feel overwhelmed, frustrated and anxious when dealing with their child or teen’s acting out behavior; they wonder how they’ll be able to tackle so many issues at once. But here’s a secret: thinking about the problem in this way will only make you feel defeated before you even start.

“Start where your child is and coach them forward.”

James Lehman says: “Start where your child is and coach them forward.” In other words, build on your child’s strengths and keep your expectations reasonable. We also recommend that you not try to tackle everything at once, but pick one or two behaviors you want to change and then move on from there. Remember, your overall goal is to see your child make improvements—it’s not simply to have your child do what you tell them to do.

If you feel completely overwhelmed by your child’s behavior problems, here are 8 tips to help you focus on changing your child's behavior, step by step.

1. Try to Have Reasonable Goals.
   
   I think that many times instead of trying to make gradual changes, parents expect that all the inappropriate behavior will stop immediately. The truth is, you might see certain behaviors stop right away, but it doesn’t necessarily mean your child will never act out again. It’s not going to be instantaneous, and it will take just as much practice on your part as it does on your child’s part. Change takes time. It’s not just you who needs time practicing new techniques. Your child also needs to practice so he can learn by repetition. The reason you want to ask for reasonable change is because your child cannot make major changes all at once.
2. Coaching Your Child Forward: Know What His Strengths Are
   It’s important to have a good idea of what your child is capable of doing. Here’s an example: Some kids have an issue like ADD or ADHD. It’s important to get a really good understanding of what ADHD looks like in your child. Is it hard for him to focus and stay organized? Maybe he daydreams when he’s supposed to be working. Every child is different, and it’s important for you to modify your expectations accordingly. It’s also important for your child to know what his strengths and weaknesses are so he can recognize when he’s getting off track and learn how to get back on. After determining what your child’s strengths and weaknesses are, understand that he will make improvements from that starting point.
   
   I’ve seen kids who are defiant or oppositional completely throw in the towel because they’re not capable of doing what you’re asking, particularly in relation to school work. That’s why it’s extremely important to find out what your child’s abilities are and begin right there. That’s one of the most important steps in making sure your expectations are reasonable.
3. Keep in Mind That Your Child is Working Toward a Goal
   Accept that your child is working toward a goal. In other words, your child is probably not going to be able to stop his inappropriate behavior on a dime. If your teen is in the habit of getting his way by intimidating others in the family with his angry outbursts, understand that this behavior is not going to go away immediately. Work with him on making small steps toward good behavior. You might say, “You need to give me your cell phone for the next two hours until you can behave and talk appropriately.” The key is that during that time, your child is practicing this new skill. You’re not saying, “That’s it—you’ve lost your phone all day.” Many kids struggle with punishments that last too long and end up giving up halfway through. Instead, you want to have short-term goals throughout the day. Work toward short-term accomplishments and successes all day long.
4. Pick One Behavior to Work on at a Time
   When I ask parents what they’d like to start working on with their child, many say general things like, “I just want my kid to listen to me,” or “I want my teen to do what I ask him to do when I ask him.” I think it’s very important to pick a specific behavior to start with and a time of day when it should be accomplished. When you’re just beginning to use the techniques in the Total Transformation Program, it’s important to put some structure in your child’s schedule or else you’re too likely to get into a power struggle with him each time you ask him to stop what he’s doing and do what you want. Choose a concrete behavior, such as doing homework daily, or being home at curfew, instead of working on your child’s attitude. You might feel concerned because you’re letting other behaviors slide when you focus on just one, but realize that your child is actually learning skills when he changes one behavior at a time—skills that he will be able to use in all situations going forward. Primarily, he is learning how to do what he doesn’t feel like doing, and that there will be a consequence if he behaves inappropriately. Make no mistake, a lot is happening when you choose one behavior at a time and work solely on it.
5. Start with Physical Behavior
   Many parents ask, “Where do I start?” I always recommend that you begin with physical behavior first. It could be a safety issue, like your child sneaking out of the house at night. Many parents will say that back talk is the biggest thing they’re dealing with. It’s really hard for them to tolerate, and that’s natural. But if your child is not coming home at night, I suggest putting backtalk aside for a bit and focusing on making sure he’s safe and complying with house rules regarding curfew.
   
   Physical behavior can also apply to kids who act out and are destructive or abusive at home. If your child is punching holes in the walls or intimidating his siblings physically, you want to start there. We recommend that you adopt James’ philosophy of, “There’s no excuse for abuse” in your family. Let your kids know there will be stern consequences for their actions and follow through on them.
   
   A lot of parents will avoid tackling these big issues because it’s easier to pick something small than it is to address the big scary things. But if it’s a health or safety concern I don’t think you have any choice—that should always come first.
6. Can’t Decide Which Behavior to Tackle First? Get Some Help
   There are some instances where you may be forced to deal with two behaviors at the same time. Let’s say your child talks back to you while you’re trying to help him complete his homework assignment, and you’re not sure which behavior to address first. This is where the Total Transformation Parental Support Line can be really helpful. We can help you determine, based on your child and what his overall behavior is like, what the best issue is to address first. We can tell you what technique to really focus on and which ones to set aside for later—and we’ll help you come up with a practical strategy.
7. If Your Child Doesn’t Seem to be Making Enough Progress…
   A common stumbling block for parents is when they feel as if their child isn’t making enough progress. But remember, the goal is that your child improves—not that they will listen to you 100% of the time. It’s very different.
   
   Sometimes you can change that by changing your parenting techniques and the house rules. Power struggles between you and your child will usually cause him to dig in and not cooperate. Putting more structure into place is sometimes necessary. You might say, “You have to do your chores Saturday morning if you want to go out Saturday night. Get started at 10:00 a.m.”
   
   At other times, your child might be having real difficulty making improvements. James Lehman says we have to “parent the child we have and not the child we wish we had.” He reminds us that our kids are unique individuals. This brings us back to the importance of determining your child’s capabilities—again, be sure that what you’re asking of your child is reasonable.
8. Don’t Take It Personally
   Many parents also get trapped in wanting their kids to feel a certain way. They want their kids to care about cleaning their room or to care about the effect doing homework will have on their future. The truth is, it’s not your child’s fault; he’s really not wired to feel that way yet. The important thing is not that your child cares, it’s that he learns how to do things even if he doesn’t feel like doing them. This is a huge life skill.
   
   When you’re working to have your child’s behavior change, try to pay attention to what it looks like rather than what your child is saying. James says to ask yourself, “What would I see if I were watching this on television with the sound turned down? What would my child’s behavior look like right now?” I think this is a really good way to visualize what behavior is when you’re having a hard time separating it from what your child says or feels. Just ask yourself, “What is my child doing?”
   
   Let’s say the sound is turned down and you see your teenager fighting with you, then he’s stomping off to clean his room. He may be sullen and have a bad attitude, but he’s also doing what you asked. Work on the behavior first, and the attitude will come. James says, “Don’t feel your way to better behavior; behave your way to better feelings.” And that’s exactly what you want your child to do.

Sometimes in parenting, it really is “two steps forward, one step back.” But remember, even if that’s the case, you are still moving forward. Yes, your child will challenge you. He’ll come back and test you to see if things have really changed; he’ll see if he can get you to go back to the way you used to be, particularly if he was calling all the shots. But stand your ground and eventually his behavior will change. One way to stay encouraged is to remember where your child started and compare it to the progress he’s made. It’s also important to encourage your child when this happens. Keep saying things like, “I know you can make improvements because you have already done it. Keep at this.”

For more articles, visit http://www.empoweringparents.com/